Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

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    Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Fri Mar 22, 2013 4:04 am

    Sort of getting to that point with my best friend. I was him for the first time tonight in quite a while. He basically does whatever drug he can get his hands on, which is basically everything.

    It was sad as hell talking to him tonight one-on-one. And I actually have no idea what to do. It's pretty much the worst shit imaginable.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Soma on Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:49 am

    Get him to give you some drugs.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Nick on Fri Mar 22, 2013 11:11 am

    WP - Based on your boarding history I don't get the impression that you are the type that will be able to inspire someone to make a drastic life change that results in an improvement.

    My advice is for you to stay away from him and get someone else to help.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Duff... on Fri Mar 22, 2013 1:09 pm

    Can't give you particularly helpful advice. But chances are eventually you'll grow apart as he does drugs and you (mostly) don't and he'll either resurface in your life cleaned up or as a career junkie.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:36 pm

    You can't be friends with a drug addict. Friendship enables their suffering. Leave for your own good and his!
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Fri Mar 22, 2013 6:57 pm

    I'm 100% sure that literally everything you say is counter intuitive and secretly ego obsessed. I'm living my life, this isn't a theater that requires some dramatic narration or explanation.

    You said that "getting your shit together" implies an ego. But literally all of your words and actions implicate the importance of acting for the benefit of an ego.

    I dig you, Avec. But c'mon...
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Nick on Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:10 pm

    I'm glad that Avec is back in fine posting form.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:10 pm

    are you posting in the wrong thread? idk. i've tried to be friends with drug addicts and it never worked. i've tried to be friends with narcissists and it rarely works.

    plenty of research shows that helping a drug addict helps them kill themselves.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:13 pm

    wp64 wrote:I'm 100% sure that literally everything you say is counter intuitive and secretly ego obsessed. I'm living my life, this isn't a theater that requires some dramatic narration or explanation.

    You said that "getting your shit together" implies an ego. But literally all of your words and actions implicate the importance of acting for the benefit of an ego.

    I dig you, Avec. But c'mon...

    i am not "out of my ego." we all need an ego to survive in this world.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:20 pm

    wp64 wrote:

    You said that "getting your shit together" implies an ego. But literally all of your words and actions implicate the importance of acting for the benefit of an ego.

    i wish i could address you more clearly but i don't understand this statement, especially the first sentence. or where it came from in regard to this thread. i haven't mentioned "ego" in the threads i posted in
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:20 pm

    Very Happy
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Fri Mar 22, 2013 7:46 pm

    coyote wrote:
    wp64 wrote:

    You said that "getting your shit together" implies an ego. But literally all of your words and actions implicate the importance of acting for the benefit of an ego.

    i wish i could address you more clearly but i don't understand this statement, especially the first sentence. or where it came from in regard to this thread. i haven't mentioned "ego" in the threads i posted in
    coyote wrote:"getting your shit together" is an ego phrase. when does one ever "get their shit together?" what happens when you do, do you rest on your laurels and reap the benefits of a "together" life? not gonna happen. all experience and all life is insecure. life isn't about getting to a place, it's about going and experiencing.

    the day i say i have my shit together, shoot me in the fucking head please
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Fri Mar 22, 2013 8:10 pm

    I'm being a dickhead. But I am just very annoyed at the idea that I should distance myself from my friend as he allows his mind and body to degenerate from cocaine, heroin, and various other heavy chemical usage.

    You're basically saying that I should use this extreme pain of watching my best friend in the world slowly kill himself as a way to grow as a person. Which is probably the lamest thing that you could possibly tell a person.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 8:29 pm

    wp64 wrote:I'm being a dickhead. But I am just very annoyed at the idea that I should distance myself from my friend as he allows his mind and body to degenerate from cocaine, heroin, and various other heavy chemical usage.

    You're basically saying that I should use this extreme pain of watching my best friend in the world slowly kill himself as a way to grow as a person. Which is probably the lamest thing that you could possibly tell a person.

    you're not being a dickhead. i wasn't using compassion in my post.

    tell him you'll be there for him when he wants help. but what can you do in the interim? watch him die of drugs? expose yourself to his problems, enable him?

    does he really want help? have you reached out to him and has he rejected it?

    i know it's hard.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 8:34 pm

    wp64 wrote:
    coyote wrote:
    wp64 wrote:

    You said that "getting your shit together" implies an ego. But literally all of your words and actions implicate the importance of acting for the benefit of an ego.

    i wish i could address you more clearly but i don't understand this statement, especially the first sentence. or where it came from in regard to this thread. i haven't mentioned "ego" in the threads i posted in
    coyote wrote:"getting your shit together" is an ego phrase. when does one ever "get their shit together?" what happens when you do, do you rest on your laurels and reap the benefits of a "together" life? not gonna happen. all experience and all life is insecure. life isn't about getting to a place, it's about going and experiencing.

    the day i say i have my shit together, shoot me in the fucking head please

    getting your shit together is an ego phrase culturally (the norm's definition now) because it implies that you've MADE IT to a place of happiness and stability. there is no permanent happiness and no stability EVER in life. the ego wants more, the american dream requires more, more more more. never can you rest until you die.

    you can't "make it" somewhere until you have arrived at the present moment every time all the time.

    therefore, NO ONE can ever have their shit together imo. except an enlightened being Very Happy

    but my def is radically different obviously!!! tearsofjoy tearsofjoy
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:00 pm

    you're taking that post out of a different thread btw
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:09 pm

    coyote wrote:you're taking that post out of a different thread btw
    I know that. But heavy drug usage and not having your shit together are sort of synonymous so I felt like it kind of applied.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:16 pm

    coyote wrote:
    wp64 wrote:I'm being a dickhead. But I am just very annoyed at the idea that I should distance myself from my friend as he allows his mind and body to degenerate from cocaine, heroin, and various other heavy chemical usage.

    You're basically saying that I should use this extreme pain of watching my best friend in the world slowly kill himself as a way to grow as a person. Which is probably the lamest thing that you could possibly tell a person.

    you're not being a dickhead. i wasn't using compassion in my post.

    tell him you'll be there for him when he wants help. but what can you do in the interim? watch him die of drugs? expose yourself to his problems, enable him?

    does he really want help? have you reached out to him and has he rejected it?

    i know it's hard.
    He saw his suite mate almost die of an Oxycontin overdose at his college. During our thanksgiving break he got absolutely hammered and started sobbing for upwards of 3 hours because he couldn't handle it. That girl came out of her coma and has permanently lost the ability to speak.

    So yeah, it seems like he is at times reaching out for help. At the same time he maintains this ridiculous charade that he is somehow impenetrable. He has always gone through life with this stoic-like insanity that he doesn't need anything other than himself. I am one of the few people who ever sees him expose the emotional, vulnerable side of him.

    It would be different if this was someone I met in college or something. But I have gravitated to this human since I was 12 years old. He made my life in high school way more tolerable than it should have been. He is an unbelievably passionate and intelligent human being who has been trapped into a state of nihilism by the dominant ideology.

    I can't really distance myself from him because he is responsible for making me into a person who isn't a self-serving piece of fucking shit. I am going to be indebted to this guy for the rest of my life and he would never think of himself as being capable of positively influencing anyone.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:24 pm

    Well, talk to him again. Hard talk, face to face. Say how much you care for him and how he's changed your life as you just did above in the post.

    Then tell him how he could definitely end up like his friend who has brain damage or much worse if he doesn't get help. Be serious as you can. No joking. If you really feel he needs help then say this, that it is important to YOU as his friend. After all, he is hurting you and causing suffering as well as himself by being a drug abuser.

    It doesn't sound like he's ready at all to turn that corner. If you want to be his friend through all this, just keep aware if you are enabling him in some way.

    I can't help any further with the situation, wish I could.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by coyote on Fri Mar 22, 2013 9:29 pm

    how on earth can i make such epic posts without eating pizza?
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by chrondog on Sat Mar 23, 2013 1:52 am

    wp64 wrote:I'm living my life, this isn't a theater that requires some dramatic narration or explanation.

    i can't take anything you post seriously
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by DBaggins on Sat Mar 23, 2013 3:55 am

    My brother has been sober going on 2+ years now. Change came from him after years of suffering (several visits to county jail etc..). He called me one day crying and when I got to his place he broke down asking me to get him some help and he's been sober since. As Avec and others have said it's not something you can actually help them do, they have to decided.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Sat Mar 23, 2013 4:43 am

    I'm very aware that there is nothing I can do to completely alter his habit. At the same time, like Avec pointed out, I don't want to be enabling his drug abuse.

    I'm just trying to figure out a way in which I can still maintain the enriching part of our friendship and to let him know that I would always be there to assist him through any hardship. I'm not looking for a dramatic gesture where I start asking him to choose our friendship over drugs because that would be ridiculously selfish and juvenile.

    I don't know. Fuck. We'll see. And that situation is insanely rough DBaggins and I'm glad to hear it's looking up.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by DBaggins on Sat Mar 23, 2013 4:51 am

    My point was you can't "alter" your friends behaviors at all. You can only truly change yourself.
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    Re: Did one of your friends ever develop a serious drug problem?

    Post by Guest on Sat Mar 23, 2013 4:53 am

    I guess. But then drug abuse aside, I still have to make a decision as to how I can best alter my relationship with an individual who has been my best friend now for 7 years.

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